Are you the type of person that has to re-read an email multiple times before you send it and still have doubts? Do you struggle with how you feel about your productivity level even though you probably accomplished more before 9 AM then most? Do you have a chronic illness? Maybe there is more of a correlation than you even know and maybe your path to recovery involves letting go of the reigns some.
As long as I can remember I have always been critical of things. It doesn’t matter what it is, my first tendency has always been to find the reasons why something is not good enough. This has caused a huge burden in my life. So now I do feel that I am faced with the daily reminder of this discontent in the form of a chronic illness that impacts my daily life. Somedays I feel like I am seriously stuck in the same pattern of thought and no matter what I say to myself or what anyone else says to me to lift me up it doesn’t help! It’s ironic how this disease is most likely a result of a life full of discontent. Even with awareness of this, it still is very hard to get a grip on the fact that my health is not perfect! The human body is so resilient and it wants to heal. It’s just not always on this linear path that I want it to be and that’s very hard to deal with. My days seem to be filled with the wrong questions at times. Whys? Whats? I am constantly reflecting on what it may have been that I did in the last two days that is throwing me off. Maybe it’s just the body going through a healing reaction? Maybe it is something that I did or ate, but its temporary if I let it be. This constant barrage of internal questions does nothing for the healing process and will set you back if you let it conquer your thoughts.
I do find that I get more down about it if I persist on trying to control this disease. Am I doing everything I can right now? Yes! Then just be okay with this progression. Ultimately I think I get into more mental hell when I catch myself trying to validate whether I can still contribute to this world having this condition. The definite answer is hell yes I can!! Going through this gives me a lot of awareness and while it sucks sometimes, it’s going to afford me some opportunities to learn more about myself and how to really be a role model for others! That’s what I really want and regardless of my day to day knee jerk reactions, I am still here for a purpose!
You can choose to look at this way if you want. Maybe you are not ready to be a role model just yet! It’s so unfortunate that anyone has to suffer, but it’s even more tragic when it’s a young kid that is dealing with a disease. But I think one thing that is quite visible is that in these cases with young kids, they are mostly all smiles. Why? I think we can learn something about that. As we go through our lives we develop a standard of how we think things should be and that impacts everything for us. So when the unthinkable happens and we are diagnosed with something that will impact our daily lives, our first set of reactions are of the grieving variety. We go through the whole spectrum of emotions and I can honestly say that I thought I would never graduate from some of them, but you will and the more you persist the better your chance of success! I am trying to be all smiles these days, but like many of us grown-ups I do get caught up in the “battle”. It’s not a battle and if you choose to fight this for twelve rounds your outcome will not be good. We are surrounded with messages of fighting the good fight or fighting this disease or they put up a good fight. I think we need change our mindset toward disease in order to recover. Learn to grow from it. Find purpose from your pain. Let go of the need to control it and everything in your life! I do feel that everything happens for a reason and I am not just one of the unlucky ones that was stricken down with this, but rather someone who was given a great opportunity to help others grow through my own growth! But I have to get out of my own way sometimes as do we all if we want to find peace! I sincerely hope that this message helps anyone out there to get re-focused on their own recovery, whether you have a chronic illness or not!
Ian Sandage is a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner who speaks from the personal experience of someone with autoimmune disease and the highs and lows of a health journey